Manchester's busiest public square to be contained for its own good
Piccadilly Gardens' popular concrete wall is to be extended, according to a joint initiative by the City Council and Greater Manchester Police.
Following the collapse of multi-million pound plans to improve Manchester's busiest public square, including removing the wall and upgrading the lawns, new plans will now see the wall grow by 400% to enclose the entire space.
New designs will also see the height of the wall increased, barbed wire added and four sentry towers constructed.
Speaking to Confidential, a police spokesperson said: "Our efforts to police Piccadilly Gardens are simply not enough, not least because we hardly ever dispatch officers there to deal with all the blatant criminality going on.
"The situation there has become so dire that, after thorough consultation, we have come to the decision that the only solution is to have the whole of Piccadilly Gardens contained.
"Nobody shall be allowed into the area at all, except the bloke who fixes the fountain every three weeks or so. Oh and Pat Karney, who likes to chase the pigeons."
Confidential approached one of Piccadilly Gardens' most regular users for comment. They said: "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHBLAPBLUMGHLUP" before shitting into a Burger King bag.
President Trump has backed the plans.